And I held on tight
And I held on tight, thinking it would pass soon. That it would end. But it didn’t pass. It didn’t end. It didn’t pass and it happened again: once, and again, and again… Until I started falling and giving in. Tired, worn out, exhausted. Hopeless…
They say water cleanses and carries everything away.
I thought it would be like that, BUT NO.
“You’ll have to learn to live with it”, “life isn’t the way we want it”, they told me. And I took it to heart, I repeated it to myself and I believed it… did I believe it?
And if I believed it, why am I still here? Because I haven’t left, letting myself be carried along by “the whole”, by the crowd and the movement.
Why do I resist myself?
Why do I resist?
Why?
…
Hitchhiking on the highway and disappearing.
And then what? Go where? For how long? For what? … “that’s why nothing works out for you, Nathali. You overthink it”, I tell myself, I told myself. Will I tell myself?
OK, and what if I get lost? But I’m already lost. In myself, in my head, in my life, in my days, in my profession, in my inability to find myself.
I’m drowning, but I don’t save myself.
I’m drowning, but I don’t ask for help.
I’m drowning, but I don’t swim, I don’t scream, I don’t kick. I stay stiff. Mute. Impassive.
I could do something, but no.
I could decide something, but no.
BUT NO.
NaTHALI
IG: @pecociraptor_
MARCH 23, 2024
It’s been a year of ups and downs. After a previous year of hard work and many lows, I’m starting to see the fruits of that work and I feel all the stars are aligning in my favor again. Dreams and goals are starting to come true, and fear shows up as the self-sabotage in which I shelter my comfort.
Women are the ones who motivate me to keep going and to shine, women are the ones who keep me company and give me strength. One of them is no longer with me today, but in small gestures throughout the day I can still feel her close.
GABRIELA
IG: @gabriela__garrido
A little… just a little more, one more step. Where to? Sometimes nothing is clear before your eyes. Your senses deceive you. Perception changes. The line of communication between your body and your mind explodes. You feel and you fight, you fight and you endure.
Until your heart freezes.
When it seemed there was nothing but cold, calm appears. It stops hurting… and when you thought it was impossible to bear any more, suddenly there you were, more alive than you can remember being so few times in your whole existence.
I’m not talking about the water.
The sun comes out. You did it, again. Today, celebrate! Near the darkness of a cave there will always be some place to welcome you, in the immensity, to make you feel back at home, to play, laugh, sing.
Feel like a rock star again.