The guilt of my nakedness
They snatched away my nakedness
They snatched away my body, my shapes, colors and even my skin
The privilege of my nipples to know the sun
And the remote possibility of feeling the wind between my buttocks, my calves and between my feet
Of using my hair as a hood and camouflaging myself as I please
They deprived me of the raw pain of the cold
And of the subtle tickle of water flowing through my hair
AUGUST 12, 2023
They forbade me to find my own flesh when I hug myself
And to fuse until I become one
I recognize but don’t understand
The reason for so many boundaries
But today, yes, specifically today I declare
That I am guilty of this act of selfishness and not of love
Where I mark a change and a turn in my course
As the fabric weaves through my fingers and then my whole body, we make a pact
The interdicts, the vetoes and all the rest are left behind
Today I am the antagonist
I don’t give a damn about ideology and limiting morals
I don’t allow any being, real or imaginary, to cross my thoughts
I don’t let permanent worries dare to attack me
Nor their echo whisper to me
Today only I matter, above rules and decrees
I silence my monsters, letting myself feel the deep cold of the river in the middle of winter
As an act of rebellion I strip myself of what I’ve learned and internalized; I strip myself of the greatest display of human repression: guilt
The guilt of my nakedness and my selfishness, fused